Thirty-Something Soccer Mom

We talk all the time about the rights that transgender students have to feel safe and protected in their environment at school, but does giving them rights mean that other students will lose their rights to feel safe and protected in school too?  Are we teaching our kids that the rights of a small minority reign superior to the rights of the quiet majority?

We just had our first full week back at school.  The excitement has definitely worn off and my kids are settling into their new routine as well as adjusting to their new school schedule.   Another adjustment we’ve had to make this year is having two students in high school.  This alone has brought many new changes for our two oldest sons (9th & 10th grade).  But one of the changes I didn’t see coming was dealing with our states transgender bathroom policy.  

Here’s the letter I wrote to our schools principal today after an incident that occurred after my sons PE class this week:  

Dear Principal __________,

I’m a mother of two teenage sons attending _______ High School.  My youngest son is a Freshman and is attending a PE class with a transgender student.  This has not bothered him or been an issue until yesterday when he stepped out of the shower in the boys locker room and she/he was right next to where our son had laid out his clothes to change.  Obviously it made our son feel extremely uncomfortable to be naked in front of a girl (albeit identifying as a boy).  In addition to the awkwardness of the situation, the transgender student made a comment expressing shock that she had just seen a boy naked.  “Oh my goodness,” she said, “I just saw a boys’ penis!”  Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was for my son?  He is 14 years old!

What on earth is going to happen if this student decides she wants to shower after class or practice too?  Is his first time seeing a naked female body (which we’d hoped wouldn’t happen for many years) really going to be in his Freshman PE class?  How is this okay?

A few weeks ago at the High School football jamboree I was walking toward the locker room to meet my son after the game and noted that the coaches were reprimanding some of the football players for beginning to remove their shirts before actually being in the locker room.  He further reprimanded them for leaving the exterior door to the locker room open where other parents and students were walking by.  “Keep yourselves covered,” he said, “It’s not appropriate for you to be undressing in view of these young ladies” (referring to the cheerleaders and female students congregating in that area).  I was impressed by this and felt grateful that our coaching staff is encouraging our young men to be modest and show respect for the privacy of the athletes as well as those of the female students walking by.

My question for you is this:  How does this coaching philosophy of modesty and respect for the privacy of others fit with the schools transgender bathroom policy?  How is it okay to have a female body (identifying as a male) actually in the locker room observing our boys naked and showering?  I want to respect the rights of transgender students to have a place to shower and change but does that really mean we have to be okay with our sons (or potentially daughters) being naked and showering in the same locker room as someone that’s anatomically a different gender?

I don’t know if you were aware of this situation or not, but I thought you should know how this policy is impacting not just your transgender students, but the feeling of safety and well being among your other students too.   As principal, looking after the interest and well being of all your students is one of your most important responsibilities.  I don’t envy the challenge you face to meet their varying needs nor do I blame you or the school administrators for this very embarrassing incident my son experienced.  I’ve thought a lot about this situation today and tried to put myself in the position of the transgender student and their family and wondered if we couldn’t come up with a better solution to this dilemma.

May I suggest that you have a meeting with this student (and possibly their parents) and explain how their being in the locker room is making some of the other boys feel.  Ask them if they would be willing to change in a separate area so everyone’s privacy and sense of well being can be respected?  I’m sure this student is a reasonable person.  For all we know they may not want to be in there either but given that the only other alternative is to use the girls locker room they may feel they don’t have a choice.  If they won’t consider this option, might there be a place provided for my son and anyone else uncomfortable with this arrangement to shower and/or change?

We talk all the time about the rights that transgender students have to feel safe and protected in their environment at school and I agree with that, but does giving them those rights mean that other students (like my son) have to lose their rights to feel safe and protected in their school too?  Can’t there be a compromise?  As it is now, is seems that we’re placing the rights of a small minority as being superior to the rights of the overwhelming majority and I don’t think that’s fair to anyone.   Thank you for considering my request.

Respectfully,

my name

I don’t want to turn this issue into yet another way to divide us as a community.  We all want what’s best for our kids.  It’s hard enough being a teenager without making it any harder.  Do we really need to add to the anxiety level of our children by forcing them into situations that violate their privacy and sense of well being?  

Some might think this isn’t a big deal.  Who cares if a girl sees him naked?

But how would you have felt if someone of the opposite sex saw you naked when you were 14?   Is it really fair for us to impose that on our kids (transgender or not)?

As we all make the adjustment to these new bathroom laws I hope we can find a way to ensure the privacy and emotional well being of everyone because allowing the rights of some students to become secondary to the rights of others hurts us all.

 __________