Thirty-Something Soccer Mom

One of the ironies of being a parent is you often have to teach your children things you’re still learning yourself.

Don’t know what I mean?  Let’s see if any of these sound familiar…

“Don’t lose your temper.”

“Eat a balanced diet.”

“Don’t waste your time on the internet.”

“Don’t procrastinate.”

“Don’t compare yourself to others.”

The list goes on and on…

Recently I’ve noticed another thing parents are trying to teach their kids that they’re not always doing themselves:

“Don’t give in to peer pressure.” 

As an adult you probably think you’re immune to being influenced by your peers. But if your kids are nearing their teenage years your ability to resist peer pressure will surely be put to the test.

Recently my 13-year old son has been trying to convince me to let him do things I know aren’t a good idea.  Outwardly what he wants appears to be harmless.  But as an adult I can see how allowing him these privileges at such a young age has more potential to do harm than good.

Everybody’s doing it…

His most recent strategy (in his attempt to change my mind) is to tell me that “all the other parents are letting their kids do it,” so I should too.

Now, I know not all parents are letting their kids do it but many are, and that’s why not giving in to peer pressure can be so hard.  I’ll admit when I take a stand on a tough issue there’s a real pull to  do what all the other parents are doing.  I’m sure there are times when I’ve said no to my kids and many of their friends parents are thinking: “lighten up lady,” “they’ll be fine.”  

You’ll find many parents today that are letting their kids do things you’re not comfortable with. But just because they are, doesn’t mean you have to.

Stay strong and hold your ground if you feel it’s the right thing to do.  Remember, being a parent is not a popularity contest.  In fact there will be many times that doing the right thing will make you the most unpopular parent around.   But if more parents stood up for what they knew was right instead of what was the easiest, maybe we’d have peer pressure working for us instead of against us.

Why it’s important to set Boundaries 

When you’re driving up a steep mountain road and you see guardrails along the edge of a cliff you don’t say,  “Why are these here?”  Of course you don’t!  You know those guardrails are there for your safety and protection.  

It’s the same way with the rules and boundaries we set for our children.  Contrary to what others may think, when you set limits and guidelines for your child’s behavior and privelages you’re not trying to control their lives, you’re protectecting them from the crippling consequences that certain choices and actions can lead to. 

Many adults today are living with the negative consequences of poor decisions made in their teenage years.  Behaviors and addictions formed in their youth have carried with them into their adult life .Their futures have been derailed, their current opportunities limited all stemming back to poor choices made in their youth.  

So keep this in mind as you decide what you will and won’t let your kids do.  With every choice consider the potential consequences on your son or daughters life.  Ask yourself:  Is this behavior or privelage going to expose them to situations they’re not emotionally and mentally mature enough to handle?  If you don’t feel right about it hold off and make them wait for 6 months; or maybe even a year.  You can do that…you’re the parent.

Veteran Parents…A powerful resource.

If you have no idea where the boundaries and standards should be, talk with other parents and people you look up to and ask them for advice.  Be selective though in whose advice you seek.   I look for families whose older kids have turned out great and ask them what their stance on similar issues was when their kids were young.

You can gain a lot of wisdom from veteran parents.  Sometimes they’ll even tell you what they wish they had done or what they did do but wish they hadn’t.  Hindsight is twenty-twenty and it’s great to hear a perspective from someone on the other side of these challenging years.

 I have a few friends with children much older than mine whose older kids have grown into amazing adults.  I often call them to get their opinion and perspective on parenting issues.  Their wisdom and insight has been a great resource.

The Meanest Mom around

One of these friends recently told me, “When my kids were teenagers everyone (including my daughter), thought I was the meanest mom around.  But looking back now it was all worth it.”  She has 2 adult children and they’ve both grown into amazing adults.

“Sometimes it makes me sad,” she said “to see those same parents who used to give me such a hard time now burdened with their own adult children struggling from the consequences of poor choices made during their teenage years.”

Parenting teens can be hard.  You may at times feel like you’re the only one making the tough calls and telling your kids no.  But that’s okay.  Have the courage to do what you feel is best despite what others are doing. You know your son or daughter better than anyone and what’s right and okay for another kid may be too risky for yours. 

One thing I’ve concluded from watching a variety of good and bad parents over the years is this…

It will either be hard now or harder later if you don’t do what’s right for your kids now.

So don’t let what other parents are doing pressure you into doing what you know isn’t right for your son or daughter.  Trust your instincts, dig deep and find the strength to take a stand.  Even if you stand alone.